I have no intention of changing your mind or persuading you, I am only telling you my personal thoughts and feelings. Think carefully Joy. No human that is walking and talking now was taught to do so. Of course, you can be taught languages later in life. But every human that is walking and talking now learned it themselves. Babies from the time of birth are constantly absorbing multiple forms of information at an accelerated rate. A baby knows to cry when he or she needs to be changed. A baby might cry when feeling sleepy because he or she doesn't want to stop experiencing things. Being placed in an environment, the baby watches the people around him/her and learns to talk and walk. The parent merely assist them.
Realize that when you talk to me, you are talking to another human being. I try not to think with thoughts that are implanted, I try my best to use my common sense and life experiences. I have already been involved in religion, so I already understand where you are coming from. But have you made any effort to truly understand me?
I am a high school drop out. I come from a large and poor family. The highest grade my father completed was 8th and my mother high school. I've undergone much abuse in my life from family, co-workers, law enforcement, other students in school, church members, the list goes on. When I was poor, I had to steal food to survive. When I realized that doesn't work, I started washing dishes at the local soul food restaurant for almost nothing and getting my tips stolen.
Even though the people I mention earlier (Which are mostly Christian and all religious) used to make my life a living hell, I still chose to help them out. When I followed the rules that society provided and the belief system they implanted, nothing ever went right and I always felt deep within my heart that something is terribly wrong. I feel so much negative pressure and false happiness whenever I stepped into a church. This can't be normal. The day I realized I was conscious, I nearly lost my mind. I realized that I was in this body looking out into the world and that no-one can feel or understand what I was going through.
Everyone I loved took advantage of that love and tried to use me. At this point (age 18) I no longer saw a point to living.Because if this is all that life and God has to offer, what's the point? Joy, I don't want to debate this thing back and forth. But it is my hope that you take in what I am saying so you can possibly understand another person's feelings. And don't worry, I understand yours and even told you that I am proud of your accomplishments.
Back to me. In this point in time I began to seek answers. Religion and the Bible wasn't working because whenever I had a question it was explained away with "God". No, I want a legitimate answer. After much searching of everything I can get my hands on, I found an obsession. I became obsessed with conspiracy theories. Wait, don't roll your eyes yet, it's about to get good. I didn't know why at the time, but It set me on a path for something that is truly fulfilling for me. I studied everything from government cover-ups/experiments, to the Vatican and anything alien related. The information whether it be true or false excited me and made me crave more.
Then something amazing happened. I rediscovered my common sense. (Better known as Critical Thinking) I realized that if I did what people told me and lived my life the same way that other people have, I would suffer the same fate as them. So I started paying attention to all my past memories and try to understand how it has led me to where I am today. Because I should have died by water, fire, electricity, wind, gun violence, and physical violence a long time ago. I believe that my will to live is what kept me here. Every place I went to or familiar smell that gave me a lost memory, I would replay it again over and over. Then I started remembering things from when I was a baby.
No-one I know can recall memories that far back. But I did. I told them to my mom and she verified them. After remembering that I started realizing, that I must become like that baby again if I am to get anywhere in life. Remember, babies absorb everything around them constantly. So that is what I did. When I started paying attention and using my own common sense, I immediately started to feel happy again. I started seeing patterns in the way people talk to me and how they live their lives. I kept the useful information and discarded the rest. I also realized that if I am to learn anything I need to significantly extend my time here by improving my health.
I made the decision not to blindly follow anything ever again and to question everything no matter how appealing it may seem. Then I decided to love everyone no matter who they are or what their circumstances may be. I placed high standards on myself and hold myself accountable. When something happens, I look at myself first to see if I played a role. Then finally, I stopped having expectations of anyone. Because I realized when I expected things, I would always be disappointed. So I only expect things of myself.
To me, this is the closest form of unconditional love. And I always thought love was another man-made concept. But it wasn't. I know because I saw the love in my own heart. So if I am capable of loving others, surely other people like me exist. So when I meet someone that shows any form of love in their heart, I sometimes get excited because it is a rare thing to see. Fast forward to the recent years. I want to tell you my accomplishments.
There's so many things controlling us and have influence in our lives, so I wish to be free. And to be free I had to set goals and follow them. I've always been ambitious even when I was poor feeding my family. I told myself that I would never spend 30 years paying a mortgage, so I kept trying until the circumstances fell into place for me to buy my house cash. Another form of slavery or control to me is debt. As long as you owe someone you will never be free. So my truck and motorcycle are paid for and I cleared all my debt while building my credit.
So far, all the people in my life that I know have not completed such things. They are all doing something that someone else told them and are following the same path. And I know scientist, programmers, and people who are far more educated than I. So why is it that they are so far behind me? Accomplishing these things are bringing me a lot closer to my real goals. Because you can't really help people with out some trying to take advantage. So I plan to work for myself and have no supervisor over me. And grow to eventually become the type of person that can really help people on a mass scale and contribute to the world in a positive way.
If I was my old religious fearful self, I never would have come this far. Everyday I wake up happy and appreciative of my life and health instead of dreading what may come. Even though me helping people in the past has sometimes backfired, I'm learning ways to help that are truly beneficial. And the more successful I become, the more I realize I'm able to give. These people haven't the slightest clue what I plan to give once I'm where I really want to be in life.
Hmmm, I commend you if you came this far. I've never poured my heart out to someone like this on a dating site. But I hope you can take away something from what I say. These are words from me Jasen Robinson, with no Bible verse or chapters attached. Another human like yourself. I no longer have the worries I use to an look forward to each day. I get excited to think about the future and what it holds. Since the day I decided to love people and not judge, I've constantly drawn like-minded persons to me and even some from my past that disappeared long ago. It's like some fairy tale movie. So again, I hope these words have reached you.
I don't need God or religion to be a decent human being. Love existed in my heart before I stepped foot in this realm. And the same love exist in all of us. But there are people that have been playing this game for a long time that take pleasure in stripping away the love in our hearts and turning us against each other. I will be playing into their hand if I allow them to succeed with me. I want to know more about the real you Joy, with your true experiences and feelings. If you want to continue adding religion into the mix that's fine, if it is something that really brings you happiness and fulfillment. Again, I can't control anyone but myself and I don't want to either. :P
